On the Safest Ledge

Sometimes you can't help but wonder why everything in your life has happened the way it has. Why has God placed every individual that is in our lives, in our lives? And why do we spend so much time wishing we were someone else, when our own story can be more remarkable than we think? Why do the people you invest in the most seem to be the ones that don't want your love? Why and how do our bodies just continue to function without any conscious prompt from ourselves?
The questions could go on forever. We as humans will always try to understand but we never fully will. Not in this reality, this plane, this existence. We'll never fully explain the true depth of those feelings, never entirely explain the darkest corners, the brightest expanses, the most microscopic places, the most enormous spaces.

We can explain shadows, we see shadows, we experience shadows. they are only shadows.

every glorious moment, every stupid heady drug rush, every butterfly in your acid-filled stomach, every disgustingly beautiful crunch in the disintegrating gravel, every droning aural experience.

They are shadows.


But one day i will find myself on the safest ledge, and I'll know.

The questions will all be answered in full. There will be no shadows as far as i know. and there will be light. And the light will be true, warm, comforting, lovely, cradling.

"could you be happy to fall like a stone, if you'd land right here safe in my arms?"

Life things.

My mind has been swirling around like a drain. These days i'm more happy. But I believe I'll always refer to this time in my life as "The Rollercoaster Period" (Subtext: in which life is not constant and always going up and down)

I've got a list of books I'd like to read:

1. My copy of Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens

2. The Orphaned Anything's by Stephen Christian (A digestive re-read because I read it once several years ago and don't remember much at all)

3. Hippolyte's Island

3. I've wanted to read Blue Like Jazz for a while.

4. The Perk of being a Wallflower (definitely. i saw the movie, which was fantastic, and have been dying to read the book.) 

I have found that reading has becoming frustratingly hard. I remember when I used to read books all the time. Now (I'm almost positive because of the internet), I can't keep my concentration and focus when reading and don't read very deeply at all anymore. It's stupid. Damn you, social media.

Glad to be focusing more on my creator lately. Talks and studies with friends have been helpful.

there. now you are aware of a little snippet of my whirling thoughts. good day.

 Oh and do listen to this if you like beautiful music:

i'm a weirdo

these are photos from a shoot i did last fall as a poster project. shot by my friend wes; edited by me.

sanzen

"Creativity has been blocked, and over-tasted."

How incredibly ironic it is to write a song about having no ideas and running out of creative thought, all the while creating something in that very process.

a chessy inspirational message for you:

take time to realize that things:

are always better than they should be,

never worse than they could be,

and usually different than you thought they would be.