tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26841404372856516572024-03-21T07:34:17.151-07:00new heart shadowI will never be famous.Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-4117607999806171142016-10-15T17:26:00.002-07:002016-10-15T17:26:42.279-07:00doubt anti-missives what do others have that i do not?<br /><br />why does what i create escape? <br />
<br />
do i effect?<br />
<br />
is it enough?<br />
<br />
have i nothing behind my ideas?<br />
<br />
is it wrong to wish attention?<br />
<br />
is it worthy of attention?<br />
<br />
do others feel lost?<br />
<br />
why do those called "friend" exist so far?Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-63906283951578369792016-02-16T21:44:00.003-08:002016-02-16T21:44:54.771-08:00the lilting grounds new land and new deals<br />
<br />
fucked the source<br />
<br />
the fold it falters<br />
<br />
like the roof<br />
<br />
leaking well spring poetry<br />
<br />
winds and feeling wells<br />
<br />
your folly will frame you<br />
<br />
empty and ready for death<br />
<br />
damned like the rest<br />
<br />
carelessly forever<br />
<br />
please take me<br />
<br />
get me out<br />
<br />
and off to the stones<br />
<br />
the water's edge and depths<br />
<br />
to be alone<br />
<br />
to feel safety<br />
<br />
for once god<br />
<br />
safetyLukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-64606265714208527332015-10-20T00:10:00.002-07:002015-10-20T00:10:54.586-07:00some old country baby I've been reft and<br />
safety is no option<br />
I've been left alone<br />
<br />
Will I put too much<br />
on your mind<br />
falling doubt<br />
will you ever try<br />
<br />
rue my flesh<br />
keep treading ground<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
sorrow becomes my strength<br />
<br />
<br />
Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-2803393571785120762015-08-04T22:33:00.002-07:002015-08-04T22:33:40.367-07:00now on and on and on and on and on and on til the next time Were we ever meant to see so much beauty?<br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<i> this</i> much?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
i don't think so<br />
while our fingers curl<br />
that window beyond<br />
into our whims<br />
<br />
you can crush<br />
you can steal<br />
you can hurt<br />
you can spin<br />
you can lust<br />
you can yearn<br />
you can search<br />
<br />
and can too much beauty corrupt the mind?<br />
for I know that it has weakened mine<br />
<br />
<i>and what is not is too much</i><br />
<br />
flight back to the old haunt<br />
<i> </i>jammed up with doubt<br />
keep that folly:<br />
I DIDN'T FAIL<br />
<br />
I D I D N O T F A I L <br />
<br />
but parched and flushed<br />
folding quick<br />
resolute i might be<br />
for a change i'm losing<br />
<br />
SHOULD NOT BE AGONIZING<br />
FLURRYING AROUND<br />
WRING MY HANDS<br />CRAWL OUT THE END<br />
<br />
fucked in my ways of making<br />
go on, go on, go on and see<br />
<br />
drops heavy<br />
drink thickness<br />
brunt of the blow<br />
<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-61090572039797087802015-07-04T09:28:00.002-07:002015-07-04T09:28:27.519-07:00Midwest/Morning Pipe Dream<br />
In the hope of the morning<br />
I still long for another body<br />
to be entwined and enchanted<br />
with more than the idea<br />
<br />
Then follow me down<br />
a Midwest pipe dream<br />
where nothing ever happens<br />
like quiet spaces aching for sound -<br />
<br />
To find the musk of an old chapel<br />
and the dusk in late fall<br />
some house on the outskirts, perhaps<br />
with the wind filling the air with music<br />
<br />
And with heavy <i>sospiri </i> <br />
waking from the daydream<br />
2000 miles backwards, i sit<br />
against the heat<br />
<br />
and in the warmth of the morning<br />
I still long for another body<br />
a touching, tangible being <br />
transcending the idea <br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-74087599825600170562014-12-31T01:25:00.000-08:002014-12-31T01:25:10.102-08:00a lone way Without my friends<br />
<br />
I feel as though passing slowly<br />
<br />
through some void,<br />
<br />
I have forgotten <i>light </i><br />
<br />
<br />Even though the sun burns<br />
<br />
with less and less heat<br />
<br />
It shows me the mountains<br />
<br />
but they feel unattainable<br />
<br />
<br />
Eyes glued to the screens<br />
<br />
whether active or inactive<br />
<br />
my retinas start to burn<br />
<br />
like the aforementioned sun<br />
<br />
<br />
Progress tries to blossom<br />
<br />
and progress does become a bud<br />
<br />
but nothing more than that<br />
<br />
and later, the insomnia returns<br />
<br />
<br />
come back,<i> just come back</i><br />
<br />
I had never realised<br />
<br />
how much I needed your voices<br />
<br />
to carry me through <br /><br /><br />and now darkness will swiftly<br />
<br />
sweep me into a state of null<br />
<br />
and the old ache will murmur<br />
<br />
as I drift into sleep Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-24808404226987218862014-12-10T01:50:00.000-08:002014-12-10T01:50:01.042-08:00Autumn Leaves Us<br />my body fails me every two months<br />
<br />
like frozen blades of grass<br />
<br />
that snap and regrow <br />
<br />
<br />
and my ten toes<br />
<br />
wiggle and chill<br />
<br />
and my ten fingers <br />
<br />
folding out my hands<br />
<br />
to reach for another<br />
<br />
<br />
and in these days<br />
<br />
i am grateful that hot summer<br />
<br />
is gone and done<br />
<br />
and i'll never have to live it again<br />
<br />
so why do i feel like this?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
To find out, I'll read another page<br />
<br />
in my stack of heavy books<br />
<br />
and try and prove my worth<br />
<br />
as if it could be proven<br />
<br />
by marks on a pageLukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-42994436738486268942014-07-28T19:10:00.002-07:002014-07-28T19:10:34.118-07:00F<br />
Fight fight fight fight!<br />
<br />
<br />
forcing a darkness away<br />
<br />
feeling its depth, like<br />
<br />
fleshly thoughts you can't arrange<br />
<br />
<br />
floundering harder than ever<br />
<br />
floating on land, like<br />
<br />
fleeting thoughts you wish you'd sever<br />
<br />
<br />
flecks of dark still<br />
<br />
flocking to you, like<br />
<br />
fervent demons that keep you ill<br />
<br />
<br />
fill this empty vessel<br />
<br />
folding softly, like<br />
<br />
flickering wings wrapped around your temple<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-10077501262357716082014-06-24T22:00:00.003-07:002014-06-24T22:01:08.540-07:00Sharp<br />
as i sweat<br />
the pain does not leave me<br />
and the anxiety<br />
keeps me quiet<br />
<br />
my brother hasn't shown up<br />
and I doubt i'll be better by tomorrow<br />
<br />
i've tried sleeping it off like i have before<br />
and its not working<br />
<br />
<br />
it's not working Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-76342418541138517712014-06-13T22:36:00.004-07:002014-06-13T22:36:31.468-07:00this holy year<br />
it started to sink in tonight,<br />
as i sank into my bed and felt nausea creep through my stomach.<br />
<br />
graduation:<br />
<br />
"look at the silly hat they make us wear" <br />
<br />
attention attention attention attention oh stop it <br />
<br />
the baccalaureate:<br />
<br />
as they sang i felt tears spring up but not fall<br />
the weight of the words resonating within me<br />
as i recalled the lines springing forth from my past<br />
<br />
but my "newfound reason" quelled me; should I ignore emotion?<br />
<br />
ah, the strangeness of it all.<br />
<br />
but even as I move,<br />
I do not move<br />
<br />
I stay, again in between<br />
neither in<br />
nor out<br />
<br />
and tomorrow I walk among a sea of faces again<br />
each with concerns of their own <br />
none less painfully beautiful than the other <br />
<br />
and I know I will wonder again and again <i>and again</i><br />
how it swirled so quickly<br />
down the stream and on towards the river<br />
raging and roaring, billowing and rolling<br />
<br />
and these turbulent waters will not cease<br />
til dancing and cavorting around the rocks and rapids<br />
flirting with danger and weeping as we suffer <br />
we will arrive at some great ocean<br />
<br />
and be carried into the arms of the sea<br />
entering from life to death<br />
but not dying in death <br />
and not living only in life<br />
<br />
for:<br />
<br />
"life is not the opposite of death.<br />
death is the opposite of birth.<br />
life is eternal."<br />
<br />
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
oh, this holy year<br />
of some great lament<br />
some tragic loss<br />
some deep pain<br />
<br />of love deeper still<br />
to be promised <br />
but harder still<br />
to accept<br />
<br />
oh, this holy year.<br />
<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-12093111379338332322014-06-07T01:35:00.004-07:002014-06-07T01:35:46.135-07:00Float <br />I feel like crying<br />
<br />
<br />I just want to be held and held and held and kept<br />
<br />
close to someone else's heart<br />
<br />
because I can't keep holding mine<br />
<br />
<br />
... <br />
<br />
<br />
The shooting surprised me<br />
<br />
everyone's in a state<br />
<br />
a girl I've met just once hugged me as I passed<br />
<br />
there were tears in her eyes<br />
<br />
<br />
yet I can't cry a drop<br />
<br />
<br />
Just lift me into your cosmic arms<br />
<br />
and suspend me above the earth<br />
<br />
that i may see everything<br />
<br />
and that you may tell me<br />
<br />
<br />
or you may not<br />
<br />
<br />
because, after all,<br />
<br />
i've never heard your voice<br />
<br />
unless its spoken out of the broken pots<br />
<br />
you call "messengers"<br />
<br />
<br />
so take that as you will<br />
<br />
<br />
but if solace can be found<br />
<br />
even in these dark days<br />
<br />
in this relationship that is said to breathe<br />
<br />
then i am for it<br />
<br />
<br />
if it means that peace will multiply<br />
<br />
<br />
then let it grow<br />
<br />
and grow and grow and grow<br />
<br />
til we're past the clouds<br />
<br />
and left with nothing but the wind in our heads<br />
<br />
<br />
and the sound of your voice<br />
<br />
<br />
gently speaking us away<br />
<br />
from the harm we cause ourselves <br />
<br />
and the love we never give<br />
<br />
let us float<br />
<br />
<br />
Oh Lord, let us float.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-40853249197926662592014-04-18T18:47:00.002-07:002014-04-18T18:48:30.382-07:00They Say He Died Tonight.They say he died tonight.<br />
<br />
fearless, spotless, selfless...<br />
<br />
but even if he took the sins of the whole world<br />
why are most of them sent to hell <br />
<br />
he saves some, but not all:<br />
<br />
is it in the name of grace that he condemns to death <br />
the very soul of someone destined to never hear his words?<br />
knit together just like any other,<br />
with thoughts and emotions and feelings and fears...<br />
sentenced before life to die. <br />
<br />
They say he died tonight.<br />
<br />
righteous, loving, compassionate...<br />
<br />
But is that compassion?<br />
like leaving parts of a family in a burning building<br />
just because they're not meant to be saved<br />
<br />
he saves some, but not all:<br />
<br />
am I to take that as grace given to me<br />
to be the "some" and not the "others?"<br />
am I naive to think this way<br />
and love a God who willingly saves...<br />
<br />
yet why save all if some still die?<br />
<br />
They say he died tonight.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Help me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I seek to understand.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-85319284188161571292014-04-09T22:56:00.006-07:002014-04-10T14:38:15.885-07:00SwirlSing it away<br />
Scrape off the thoughts<br />
From the inside of my head<br />
<br />
Let the light in again<br />
Just let it...<br />
Don't cloud it<br />
Clear against the depths<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The desire to change<br />
Thickens my spit<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-39555147758050170952014-04-03T23:00:00.001-07:002014-04-03T23:00:16.288-07:00A Dream - A Description Lord please give him hope<br />
please give him hope<br />
please give him hope (repeat)<br />
<br />
(an oxygen mask)<br />
<br />
i can't breathe<br />
i can't breathe<br />
i can't sleep<br />
i can't wake up<br />
(there was more but I lost it)<br />
<br />
Pictures on the floor:<br />
1. <br />
2.<br />
(these slipped away) <br />
<br />
3. "a boy I only just met"<br />
4. "a bedroom romance"<br />
6. "sleeping side by side, arms not touching"<br />
7. "an institution"Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-39790931017646945672014-03-22T00:35:00.001-07:002014-03-22T00:40:26.087-07:00I am actually writing a serious post about my lifeI'm on spring break now. My last spring break ever, unless I ever choose to get a Master's Degree.<br />
<br />
Graduating college is weird to think about. <br />
<br />
Even though life holds so much uncertainty for me, today was a great day to exist. Creatively, my mind's floodgates opened: musically, artistically, etc. I thought I would write on here for a change. <br />
<br />
about that uncertainty: <br />
<br />
What will I do next? who knows. I've met so many amazing people who inspire me recently. My life is becoming split in two, geographically speaking. <br />
<br />
I have 4 more months to decide:<br />
<br />
The people? The place I love? What I think I want? What I need? What's "smart?"<br />
<br />
Portland or Seattle?<br />
<br />
I would love and cherish both, but picking one will certainly cause me to mourn the other choice.<br />
<br />
My newest song's lyrics outline this struggle:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
The clouds break and I shiver</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The sun does not warm us yet</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Will I go, or will I remain?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Seek the night or follow the day</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All this decision weighs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There must be somewhere we can go</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Will I go, or will I remain?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Seek the night or follow the day</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Will I know, or will I be shown</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why your love will not be sown</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
we plan, we plan, we plan, he laughs</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
These lyrics also bring up the religious struggle that has been boiling in me for the past few months. I am still confident in the existence of God but I feel the need to re-learn, re-study, and reset my views. Where once I held on for what God could do for me, I am convinced now that that is not true religion. I am not waiting on a sign, because true signs don't exist any more. Blind men are not healed with mud, the crippled do not truly walk free, the dead are not raised to life...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The erratic and erroneous ways of this world have permeated my life, but I hold onto the view that there is deeper meaning and shining purpose to be discovered. I want this to be God, even the God of the Judeo-Christian tradition and faith...but its hard for me now. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Maybe Paul the apostle was right in his letter to the Galatians: I need to turn from my old ways and continue walking in the new.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
but the "new" is not new to me anymore...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm sure when I read this in 6 months I'll smile slightly, sigh, and shake my head and wonder "why are you so stupid"<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-66389402455812552192014-02-10T01:08:00.001-08:002014-02-10T01:08:58.238-08:00Infographics can go to hellLukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-14878502973873400552014-01-22T01:34:00.000-08:002014-01-22T01:34:09.751-08:00<br />
defining moments of clarity in the midst of clouded jejune experience Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-26722148041633097822013-04-04T22:52:00.004-07:002013-05-31T09:01:15.539-07:00On the Safest LedgeSometimes you can't help but wonder why everything in your life has happened the way it has. Why has God placed every individual that is in our lives, in our lives? And why do we spend so much time wishing we were someone else, when our own story can be more remarkable than we think? Why do the people you invest in the most seem to be the ones that don't want your love? Why and how do our bodies just continue to function without any conscious prompt from ourselves? <br />
The questions could go on forever. We as humans will always try to understand but we never fully will. Not in this reality, this plane, this existence. We'll never fully explain the true depth of those feelings, never entirely explain the darkest corners, the brightest expanses, the most microscopic places, the most enormous spaces. <br />
<br />
We can explain shadows, we see shadows, we experience shadows. they are only shadows.<br />
<br />
every glorious moment, every stupid heady drug rush, every butterfly in your acid-filled stomach, every disgustingly beautiful crunch in the disintegrating gravel, every droning aural experience.<br />
<br />
They are shadows.<br />
<br />
<br />
But one day i will find myself on the safest ledge, and I'll know.<br />
<br />
The questions will all be answered in full. There will be no shadows as far as i know. and there will be light. And the light will be true, warm, comforting, lovely, cradling. <br />
<br />
"could you be happy to fall like a stone, if you'd land right here safe in my arms?"<br />
<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-14903764973666251312013-02-22T00:14:00.000-08:002013-02-22T00:14:12.889-08:00Life things. <span class="text Gen-6-4" id="en-ESV-142">My mind has been swirling around like a drain. These days i'm more happy. But I believe I'll always refer to this time in my life as "The Rollercoaster Period" (Subtext: in which life is not constant and always going up and down) <br /><br />I've got a list of books I'd like to read: <br /><br />1. My copy of Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens</span><br />
<span class="text Gen-6-4" id="en-ESV-142"><br /></span>
<span class="text Gen-6-4" id="en-ESV-142">2. The Orphaned Anything's by Stephen Christian (A digestive re-read because I read it once several years ago and don't remember much at all)<br /><br />3. </span>Hippolyte's Island<br />
<br />
3. I've wanted to read Blue Like Jazz for a while.<br />
<br />
4. The Perk of being a Wallflower (definitely. i saw the movie, which was fantastic, and have been dying to read the book.) <br />
<br />
I have found that reading has becoming frustratingly hard. I remember when I used to read books all the time. Now (I'm almost positive because of the internet), I can't keep my concentration and focus when reading and don't read very deeply at all anymore. It's stupid. Damn you, social media. <br />
<br />
Glad to be focusing more on my creator lately. Talks and studies with friends have been helpful. <br />
<br />
there. now you are aware of a little snippet of my whirling thoughts. good day.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh and do listen to this if you like beautiful music:</div>
<br />
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<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-71478851492415389312013-01-16T00:06:00.001-08:002013-01-16T00:06:08.889-08:00i'm a weirdo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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these are photos from a shoot i did last fall as a poster project. shot by my friend wes; edited by me.</div>
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-4857318473726999252013-01-11T16:58:00.002-08:002013-01-11T16:58:14.067-08:00sanzen<div style="text-align: center;">
"Creativity has been blocked, and over-tasted."</div>
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How incredibly ironic it is to write a song about having no ideas and running out of creative thought, all the while creating something in that very process.<br />
<br />Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-83239975559281271212013-01-04T17:44:00.002-08:002013-01-04T17:44:42.876-08:00a chessy inspirational message for you:<div style="text-align: left;">
take time to realize that things:</div>
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are always better than they should be,</div>
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never worse than they could be,</div>
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and usually different than you thought they would be.</div>
Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2684140437285651657.post-31639380896155634632012-12-17T17:11:00.001-08:002012-12-17T17:11:22.346-08:00good evening.I decided to start a blog because i thought it might be a good way for me to explore new avenues of creativity. I won't be looking for attention, sympathy, or nonsense. If anyone ever finds this page, I hope they enjoy its contents. <br />
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nice to meet you.Lukehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04495490759703753013noreply@blogger.com2