Tuesday, August 4, 2015

now on and on and on and on and on and on til the next time

Were we ever meant to see so much beauty?

                       




                           this much?







i don't think so
while our fingers curl
that window beyond
into our whims

you can crush
you can steal
you can hurt
you can spin
you can lust
you can yearn
you can search

and can too much beauty corrupt the mind?
for I know that it has weakened mine

and what is not is too much

flight back to the old haunt
jammed up with doubt
keep that folly:
I DIDN'T FAIL

I  D I D  N O T  F A I L

but parched and flushed
folding quick
resolute i might be
for a change i'm losing

SHOULD NOT BE AGONIZING
FLURRYING AROUND
WRING MY HANDS
CRAWL OUT THE END

fucked in my ways of making
go on, go on, go on and see

drops heavy
drink thickness
brunt of the blow


Saturday, July 4, 2015

Midwest/Morning Pipe Dream


In the hope of the morning
I still long for another body
to be entwined and enchanted
with more than the idea

Then follow me down
a Midwest pipe dream
where nothing ever happens
like quiet spaces aching for sound -

To find the musk of an old chapel
and the dusk in late fall
some house on the outskirts, perhaps
with the wind filling the air with music

And with heavy sospiri 
waking from the daydream
2000 miles backwards, i sit
against the heat

and in the warmth of the morning
I still long for another body
a touching, tangible being
transcending the idea

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

a lone way

Without my friends

I feel as though passing slowly

through some void,

I have forgotten light


Even though the sun burns

with less and less heat

It shows me the mountains

but they feel unattainable


Eyes glued to the screens

whether active or inactive

my retinas start to burn

like the aforementioned sun


Progress tries to blossom

and progress does become a bud

but nothing more than that

and later, the insomnia returns


come back, just come back

I had never realised

how much I needed your voices

to carry me through


and now darkness will swiftly

sweep me into a state of null

and the old ache will murmur

as I drift into sleep

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Autumn Leaves Us


my body fails me every two months

like frozen blades of grass

that snap and regrow


and my ten toes

wiggle and chill

and my ten fingers

folding out my hands

to reach for another


and in these days

i am grateful that hot summer

is gone and done

and i'll never have to live it again

 so why do i feel like this?



To find out, I'll read another page

in my stack of heavy books

and try and prove my worth

as if it could be proven

by marks on a page

Monday, July 28, 2014

F


Fight fight fight fight!


forcing a darkness away

feeling its depth, like

fleshly thoughts you can't arrange


floundering harder than ever

floating on land, like

fleeting thoughts you wish you'd sever


flecks of dark still

flocking to you, like

fervent demons that keep you ill


fill this empty vessel

folding softly, like

flickering wings wrapped around your temple




Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Sharp


as i sweat
the pain does not leave me
and the anxiety
keeps me quiet
 
my brother hasn't shown up
and I doubt i'll be better by tomorrow

i've tried sleeping it off like i have before
and its not working


it's not working

Friday, June 13, 2014

this holy year


it started to sink in tonight,
as i sank into my bed and felt nausea creep through my stomach.

graduation:

"look at the silly hat they make us wear"

attention attention attention attention oh stop it

the baccalaureate:

as they sang i felt tears spring up but not fall
the weight of the words resonating within me
as i recalled the lines springing forth from my past

but my "newfound reason" quelled me; should I ignore emotion?

ah, the strangeness of it all.

but even as I move,
I do not move

I stay, again in between
neither in
nor out

and tomorrow I walk among a sea of faces again
each with concerns of their own
none less painfully beautiful than the other 

and I know I will wonder again and again and again
how it swirled so quickly
down the stream and on towards the river
raging and roaring, billowing and rolling

and these turbulent waters will not cease
til dancing and cavorting around the rocks and rapids
flirting with danger and weeping as we suffer
we will arrive at some great ocean

and be carried into the arms of the sea
entering from life to death
but not dying in death 
and not living only in life

for:

"life is not the opposite of death.
death is the opposite of birth.
life is eternal."

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oh, this holy year
of some great lament
some tragic loss
some deep pain

of love deeper still
to be promised 
but harder still
to accept

oh, this holy year.