doubt anti-missives

what do others have that i do not?

why does what i create escape?

do i effect?

is it enough?

have i nothing behind my ideas?

is it wrong to wish attention?

is it worthy of attention?

 do others feel lost?

why do those called "friend" exist so far?

the lilting grounds

new land and new deals

fucked the source

the fold it falters

like the roof

leaking well spring poetry

winds and feeling wells

your folly will frame you

empty and ready for death

damned like the rest

carelessly forever

please take me

get me out

and off to the stones

the water's edge and depths

to be alone

to feel safety

for once god

safety

some old country

baby I've been reft and
safety is no option
I've been left alone

Will I put too much
on your mind
falling doubt
will you ever try

rue my flesh
keep treading ground



sorrow becomes my strength

now on and on and on and on and on and on til the next time

Were we ever meant to see so much beauty?

                       




                           this much?







i don't think so
while our fingers curl
that window beyond
into our whims

you can crush
you can steal
you can hurt
you can spin
you can lust
you can yearn
you can search

and can too much beauty corrupt the mind?
for I know that it has weakened mine

and what is not is too much

flight back to the old haunt
jammed up with doubt
keep that folly:
I DIDN'T FAIL

I  D I D  N O T  F A I L

but parched and flushed
folding quick
resolute i might be
for a change i'm losing

SHOULD NOT BE AGONIZING
FLURRYING AROUND
WRING MY HANDS
CRAWL OUT THE END

fucked in my ways of making
go on, go on, go on and see

drops heavy
drink thickness
brunt of the blow

Midwest/Morning Pipe Dream

In the hope of the morning
I still long for another body
to be entwined and enchanted
with more than the idea

Then follow me down
a Midwest pipe dream
where nothing ever happens
like quiet spaces aching for sound -

To find the musk of an old chapel
and the dusk in late fall
some house on the outskirts, perhaps
with the wind filling the air with music

And with heavy sospiri 
waking from the daydream
2000 miles backwards, i sit
against the heat

and in the warmth of the morning
I still long for another body
a touching, tangible being
transcending the idea

a lone way

Without my friends

I feel as though passing slowly

through some void,

I have forgotten light


Even though the sun burns

with less and less heat

It shows me the mountains

but they feel unattainable


Eyes glued to the screens

whether active or inactive

my retinas start to burn

like the aforementioned sun


Progress tries to blossom

and progress does become a bud

but nothing more than that

and later, the insomnia returns


come back, just come back

I had never realised

how much I needed your voices

to carry me through


and now darkness will swiftly

sweep me into a state of null

and the old ache will murmur

as I drift into sleep

Autumn Leaves Us

my body fails me every two months

like frozen blades of grass

that snap and regrow


and my ten toes

wiggle and chill

and my ten fingers

folding out my hands

to reach for another


and in these days

i am grateful that hot summer

is gone and done

and i'll never have to live it again

 so why do i feel like this?



To find out, I'll read another page

in my stack of heavy books

and try and prove my worth

as if it could be proven

by marks on a page